What are you thinking???

Do you ever think about what you are thinking about? Sometimes I have to remind myself to do this. I go on little episodes of "auto-thinking" and that can lead to danger. I have to stop myself from sliding back into my old thoughts and ways. You see, I've had a whole lot of practice with negative thinking. "Victim thinking", if you will. The thoughts that nobody is for you and everybody is against you and out to get you. Thinking that love is just a tool for people to get something from you or a method of trying to get ahead.  There's also the lie that every little thing that hurts my feelings was done intentionally, with the purpose of harming me.
It sounds absurd and it is.
Abuse has a way of ingraining these lies so deep within that they "become true".  Lies planted deep, cultivated and nurtured over many years. These lies are what built the foundation of the wall around my heart, to protect me.  The wall that was constructed became overgrown with weeds of control and anger.  The thing is, I didn't realize that I was believing and living lies.  I knew I had scars resulting from my abuse, but I thought that since I forgave my abuser, that was all I was called to do.  I didn't know that I could get beyond those scars.
I embarked on a journey this past year and it has been very challenging and difficult at times.  God and I have been busy at work, removing lies and filling the void with truth.  He is healing me from the scars I have bared for so long.  I think about things much differently nowadays...most of the time.  When I feel negative thinking setting in, I have to go back to God and ask Him to help me get back on track.
They say practice makes perfect.  I'm practicing thinking differently.  Thinking as a survivor, living in the freedom of God's truth!

Philippians 4:8 
The Message (MSG)

^8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Half full, half empty, or...?

Is your cup half full or half empty?  Or more simply asked, are you optimistic or pessimistic.  Do you live life being able to see positive in all situations or are you living full of discontent, frustration and maybe even anger?  Growing up, I felt that I was optimistic for the most part.  But somewhere along the line, that changed.  I didn't really notice the change.  Maybe there wasn't a change at all.  Maybe I never truly was a "half full" type of person.  I think I was more of a "that can happen for anybody...except me" kind of person.  Maybe an "optimistic for others" kind of thing?
One morning I was having a discussion with my son, a high school student at the time, and the truth of my "outlook on life" became real.  We were chatting and I commented to him that he needed to start seeing things a little differently...that he was quite negative and that was no way to live.  At that moment, he posed one of the most difficult questions to swallow.  He said, "Mom, how can I be positive when EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING around me is so negative?"
WOW!  I've asked God what His will for me is and how nice it would be if he sent a sign, like "Neon" or maybe a brick upside the head, but I should have been more clear that one brick would suffice.  That day, it felt as a ton of bricks!
I began taking steps to become more positive by reading and sharing uplifting quotes and stories.  It became a morning habit for quite some time.  I received many "likes" and "comments" on my Facebook page and even had people tell me they looked forward to my morning posts.  This was all good and helped me climb out of my pessimistic pit, or at least it seemed.  I was looking more towards "half full", but there was still something missing.
God began speaking to my spirit.  He didn't use bricks this time to get my attention, He whispered.  Deep into my soul.  He said that while I was battling for a cup that was either "half full" or "half empty", I was striving for the wrong thing and looking in the wrong places.  He wanted me to seek Him to find a cup that was more than overflowing.  He wanted me to find life in Him that would be full of  His joy and His peace so that I may overflow with His love and hope!
Are you settling for a cup that is less than full and a life that is less than abundant?  It doesn't have to be that way.  Listen for that still small voice of God for He can change your life if you allow Him!  I know. He's changed mine!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.   Romans 15:13 (NIV)

gr8ful4Him

The Truth will set you free!

Life is peculiar. You learn a lot of things along the way. Many are helpful but then there are the destructive things also. Learning to discern lies from truth can be tricky when you've believed it all for so very long. Sometimes you just need to have someone lead you through and help you out of the mire. The future is definitely brighter when you can get rid of the dirt that has built up around you.

A year ago I started a journey that has changed my life. I began to sift through the things I believed, and with help, differentiating between what were truth and what were lies. It was an experience that involved much pain, as emotional scars of embarrassment, shame and guilt were exposed. A beautiful thing happened though. The pain was met with and surrounded by Love.

For many years, I just accepted my abuse and used it as my "excuse" to be angry, manipulative and controlling...and that is right where the enemy wanted to keep me. No longer do I tolerate this of myself. I am a survivor and the abuse I so identified with for much of my life, has lost its sting. You see, my God is much bigger than the abuse that I endured. My God is my comforter and healer! He is all I need... exactly at the time I need Him. I am His child and He designed me to love. It is not always easy but it is always worth it. I am learning to hear His voice above the noise and confusion that is daily life. I love hearing from my Father and look forward to it even when I'm not sure I like what he's telling me. Growing can be painful but I am eager to see where He is taking me. In many ways, life has gotten easier.  I no longer need to "always be right".  I know that my God is, was and will always be right, so as I calm my thoughts and focus on Him, He will speak the Truth to me.  His Love is never ending.  His Love is where I wish to dwell forever!

eternally,
gr8ful4Him

Someone is coming!

SANDY! SANDY! SANDY is coming to town! Have you prepared for her? Do you have water? Batteries? A generator? Propane??? Seems like strange items to have for Sandy, but this isn't just any "Sandy", this is Hurricane Sandy and she's packing a punch! For a week now we've been hearing about Sandy. She is bringing in quite a bit of wind and water from the ocean and if she meets up with any of the other storms, we could have a huge snow storm. Are you prepared?
As I've heard all too often these last couple of days, we all need to be prepared for the storm that is coming. Don't get me wrong, I believe that we should be prepared in case of the impending doom of no electricity and lack of water, etc. I also believe that I may finally catch up on sleep without electricity to distract me from going straight to bed and that ever invasive alarm clock waking me up in the morning ;-)
Something else struck me this past week though. As everyone is flurrying around trying to be prepared by buying up all the possible items they think they may need, are they the least bit prepared for those storms that come unexpectedly? Those storms that can shake every bit of our well being and emotional stability? Many times there are no things that can help you through the storms of life. There is something though...Someone... who can help. People buy bottles of water, but He is the Living Water. People buy batteries for flashlights, but He is the true Light of the world. People buy generators for energy, but He gives us more than energy, He gives us life! Who is He? He is my Jesus! Turn to Him and He will prepare you for, and carry you through the true storms of life.