What are you thinking???

Do you ever think about what you are thinking about? Sometimes I have to remind myself to do this. I go on little episodes of "auto-thinking" and that can lead to danger. I have to stop myself from sliding back into my old thoughts and ways. You see, I've had a whole lot of practice with negative thinking. "Victim thinking", if you will. The thoughts that nobody is for you and everybody is against you and out to get you. Thinking that love is just a tool for people to get something from you or a method of trying to get ahead.  There's also the lie that every little thing that hurts my feelings was done intentionally, with the purpose of harming me.
It sounds absurd and it is.
Abuse has a way of ingraining these lies so deep within that they "become true".  Lies planted deep, cultivated and nurtured over many years. These lies are what built the foundation of the wall around my heart, to protect me.  The wall that was constructed became overgrown with weeds of control and anger.  The thing is, I didn't realize that I was believing and living lies.  I knew I had scars resulting from my abuse, but I thought that since I forgave my abuser, that was all I was called to do.  I didn't know that I could get beyond those scars.
I embarked on a journey this past year and it has been very challenging and difficult at times.  God and I have been busy at work, removing lies and filling the void with truth.  He is healing me from the scars I have bared for so long.  I think about things much differently nowadays...most of the time.  When I feel negative thinking setting in, I have to go back to God and ask Him to help me get back on track.
They say practice makes perfect.  I'm practicing thinking differently.  Thinking as a survivor, living in the freedom of God's truth!

Philippians 4:8 
The Message (MSG)

^8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.